Problems that are associated with youth don't go away and takes on new meaning.
Don't laugh. Being in your forties and struggling with acne seems to be a subject of jokes. Most people are worried about age spots and wrinkles at this point. Luckily products that are suppose to work for acne also works for wrinkles. When I was in my twenties I used to get exasperated when medical insurance won't cover my acne medicines because others use it for cosmetic reasons. Now I can take advantage of both benefits myself.
Don't laugh, being in your forties and thinking about braces is not just vanity. Ther is a real possibility that we will live till old. Do we want to keep our own teeth for as long as we can? I was fortunatate that there were no major issues with my teeth to warrant that as a teenager. Back then, it was for looks. Now, it is really for dental health. Maybe I will be pleased with my smile and smile more. Who knows.? Or maybe I can die with a nice set of teeth if I don't live beyond them.
Then there are problems associated with growing old.
White hair. I am my stylist best customer. Routine appointment every 6 weeks. And I keep them. They say once you start dyeing your hair you can't stop. That is true. I don't want to find out how much white has been covered. I don't want to explain half white half black strands. Maybe when I am ready for white hair I can shve my head in support of cancer patients, raise some money, and then let the hair grow back in all its silver glory.
Then there is the eye checkups and glaucoma prevention. Do I or don't I have risk factors? Is my peripheral vision degrading or is it just bad? I can do the field of vision tests. I am just never sure and second guesses myself all the time. Did I see it or am I imagining it? It reminds me of the hearing test that I failed when I was four. Same doubts same feelings. Christine said I might be too cerebral for these test, which relies on instinctive response. That might be a nice excuse. I also apparently have a twitchy eyeball, which I can't keep still for a 4-second retina scan. Dr Lucia San used to say my eyes are 'active'. I wonder if that is what she meant. In any case, I can't work with a technician whose response was "you moved. We'll have to do it again." Over and over again. She may be prepared to keep doing it until she gets a different result. I don't think much of that possibility given that I wasn't consciously moving. So I quit, but not before she awoke all my feelings of inadequacies that I thought buried deep deep inside. I even had a nightmare about singing a solo and some music director said 'you didn't do it right - do it again.' I have to believe that we can do things with conscious practice. But I can't stop involuntary movements and if the test is not compatible, I don't need to subject myself to the humiliation.
No comments:
Post a Comment